Mr. Garrison - Merry Fucking ChristmasMr. Garrison: I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs
They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...
"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry fucking Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.
In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and fucking celebrate.
There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!
They've never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...
Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry fucking Christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus.
In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
and fucking celebrate!
Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin.
On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...
Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry fucking Christmas
God is going to kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum.
In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry fucking Christmas to you.
On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry Fucking Christmas, To You!
Thank you Mr. hat
who gives a rats arse what people say at christmas time!! i personally say "happy christmas" and "merry new year" just to be difficult...
Australian society is very similar to the USA in that we have a lot of ethnic groups but we tend not to tolerate people being stupid - if you don't like having a merry christmas then shut up or we'll more than likely rub it in your face even more - which is the Aussie way after all!!
"So Ahmed! what did santa bring you? oopss! Sorry forgot that you are a Jewish person! ... what! oh?? oh sorry!! a muslim? .... how's that working out for you? so, when do you think Muhammad is coming back anyway? is he supposed to return? I wonder if he and Jesus aren't going to show up at the same time and it'll be a double bill! or maybe they'll duke it out?? oh? there's a jihad out on me?? when did *that* happen?? I mean i know there's a generic one out for every christian and jew on the planet but... heh?... where did he go?" ..
but really it's all in good fun - and you should hear the crap we give to the poms, the kiwis.. and we used to hang shit on the Pakistanis and the Indians like it was normal.. it's a cricket colonial thing, but not anymore......
the world became less of a fun place to live in after 9/11 .. which i am certain was the idea, heh Mr Bush? get people all scared so you can invade a country on a lie and get away with it because everyone in the USA hates them Muslims now? hey, Mr Bush?
in australia we still put up christmas decorations in the office regardless of there being people of different faiths - either they accept the culture of the country that they are NOT from or they can get out... seriously i know that's not very tolerant but we *are* very tolerant in australia.. just don't push your fucking luck trying to inflict your religious "values" on us though..
if somebody complained, i'm sure there would be people who would go out of their ways to be christian to the faces of the people who complained.. seriously if i was being nice to someone by saying "Merry Christmas" and they complained about that .. i wouldn't let them hear the end of it - i'd probably wish them merry christmas all year... or the appropriate thing for the season...
I mean saying "Merry Christmas" is a time honoured tradition in oztraylia - and we don't give a rats if you are christian or not - we like Christmas - it's summer - it's hot - the beer is cold - we love it - either join in the christmas spirit of mateship and comradery - or just nod and smile - because damnit if i was in your country i'd say, "thanks mate!!" if you were to wish me "Happy Muhammed day!" - even if some muslim in australia were to wish me a day of peace on June 8 (anniversary of muhammed dying in 632) - i would smile and say thanks! I really would - why can't people of other faiths just go with the flow? why is christianity the lesser of the three evils?
when i was a kid there was no such thing as islam or judaism or any other religion, at least, not to me - in fact all i knew was that i was roman catholic and that there was a church of england or some such - it never really occurred to me that there were other religions - but when i found out there were other religions - it kind of cheapened christianity for me - to the point where i hated it. i hated the movie "The Mission" not because it was crap - it was brilliant - but just the whole spreading of christianity like that... and suffering for your sins .. and nup, it never occurred to me to be an atheist either.. i just wasn't catholic anymore... if I *ever* was, that is...
but now all this petty bickering about respecting a culture that says if you are raped, you have actually committed adultery if you don't have four witnesses to back up your story....
but in saying that - if i went to some muslim country and they had some stupid custom of saying "Peace be unto the Prophet" every time i referred to muhammed (or whatever) - i would say it no questions asked - i would not be trying to convince the people around me that i don't really believe in muhammed and that i'm offended that i have to say something stupid every time i said his name - no! i would do whatever the culture wanted! I WOULD RESPECT YOUR CULTURE - i wouldn't like it but i *would* conform!
so why the fuck in "western" countries should the 95% majority who are content with the christian based society, aka, the status quo - even if they aren't active christians - have to change their ways for fear of butthurting the 5% minority?
if you don't like it go back to Islamistan or to Jewtonia or back to the jungle with the other head hunter cannibals where ever it is that you are from - yes, go back to your wars and your famines and your sectarian religious hatred - and don't fucking bring it here, thank you! things
people of different faiths should respect the cultures that they are entering .. so either assimilate; or don't bother coming here in the first place; or shut the fuck up...
one day they'll accept my application to join the Foreign Relations office!
to be fair - i hate all religion - i think it's stupid - but it doesn't mean that i have a problem with other people having religion - and it doesn't mean i'm going to ram it in your face to give up your faith - it's sweet that you can believe in something that has no proof what-so-ever... but don't go trying to inflict your unwanted religious values on us - because you know damn well that those values are outdated and while they may be good for you and the culture you can from, have a look around you, our "inferior" values have given us this totally awesome peaceful way of life that we more the generously have a portion of here in Australia - your complaining about "merry christmas" is a petty thing but it is indicative that you want to bring the things that you think are "good" into our society and you want us to change our society to accept you -- NO -- you do NOT get to do that - that is FUCKING rude
i said it before and i'll say it again - if i ever went to your country and you had stupid customs i would attempt to fit in and i wouldn't dream in hell of making you change them at all - EVER! .. and you know .. those things you think are "good" in your country could be very well be why your home land is in turmoil in the first place that made it so fucked up that you left to come here - so keep your religion to yourself or FUCK OFF - that's the same for all religions - put it in my face and i consider it assault - so expect to be treated with contempt if you walk up to me and say "Accept Christ?" or Buddha or Krishna or Muhammad or even The fucking Flying Spaghetti Monster ...
I'm all for different cultures having holidays and stuff - that's the way to the Aussie heart - get your religious days made into public holidays! "What did you do for Ramadan?" "We went snorkelling up near Townsville" "Sweet! I stayed in town and got smashed every night!" - which is probably not in the spirit of Ramadan now is it? but still.... it's a sharing of the cultures
and yes while christianity has stopped being so invasive in the last 100years or so - christianity invaded pretty much the entire world... north and central and south america, africa, australia.. cripes pakistan and india are part of the commonwealth so they were part of the British empire at one stage, no doubt that somebody tried to inflict christianity on them, hello Mother Theresa.. i don't approve of all the christian invasions but i wasn't there - but i think i'd prefer the more tolerant christianity to the strictness of some of the other religions...
frankly i was open to tolerating people's religions but when they start to whinge that they can't have such and such or they are offended by our customs - it's like, i'm sorry, but why are you here again? is it because your country is crappy? could your country be crappy because of the wars fought between different religions? so what is it that you are doing now? are you trying to lay the seeds of war and conflict here by trying to get us to be "tolerant" of your religion and respect your values so that you can start up your religious fucktarded wars over here? because that is where we are heading if we tolerate your fucking bullshit, so when are you going to stop asking us to tolerate more and more of your shit?
I've seen plenty of news reports where foreigners haven't followed your customs and they've been carted off to the desert and tortured over what? for not being understanding of your customs? do we torture you for days on end and dump your body in the desert when you don't like us being good hearted and wishing you a merry christmas???
WELL? DO WE? ...
another purpose of this blog was people playing the race card, to what end? to piss people off? deliberately? where i was working once some lecturer complained about our office door having merry christmas on it one year.. why? it was in a hall that was solely there to get access to our offices so it wasn't a thoroughfare where people were walking past all the time, in other words, he shouldn't not have even been there - anyway, that sign stayed there for about two years and no-one complained again, because that is what we do when you complain about petty stuff here, we go and do it more and more and for longer and longer... that merry christmas sign could still be there, actually..
oh i didn't think about the aborigines in the above and i'm sorry but if i was there i would have objected to their treatment - my first best friend was an aborigine so it never really occurred to me that people could be treated differently because their skin colour was different
also above when i said 95% or people i meant that surely 95% of people are happy with the way things are - regardless of their religion - i mean it is why they are here - in fact that number would be about 99% of people who actually wanted to live and let live and have all of us get along
i don't mind what religion people follow - but keep it away from me - i mean, how can somebody say to me that "such and such" is the word of god, then twenty minutes later someone else says that what he is saying is the word of god... the arrogance of these people to both think they are right.. i don't know what's right so i don't believe in anything - but then if they claim that their god is one and the same - then it's like well why don't you convert to his religion or vice versa?
oh!! perish the thought!!
if you are from another country - great!! hello!! welcome to australia! merry fucking christmas
mostly written, 2nd December 2007, mostly ....