Monday, 20 July 2009

Satan died on the cross for your sins... (religiohumour)

Did Satan die on the cross?

Why are christians *so* sure that this Jesus dude they have chosen to worship, isn't Satan himself?

After all.. the fundies keep saying that Satan is the great deceiver... they keep saying Satan apparently is *still* down here leading us all astray.. and yet when confronted with this possibility that Jesus is Satan, the fundy suddenly says "but the bible is *true*!!" .. "I've read the bible so it must be true" is something I've read as a "reason" for the bible to be true. Because they read it, held it in their hands, and read it, so it's real. it *must* be true.

i mean sure the general gist of what the bible was supposed to be about is probably still there but people take half lines of the bible to justify their bigotry - it *must* be true - so who is to say that Satan didn't pretend to be this Jesus guy and die on the cross to gain "sympathy for the devil" by pretending to be... the messiah?

And to piss god off even more, Satan showed god that he could be a better and kinder "god" giving an even better way for god's creatures to live. ie. "do unto others" as opposed to "an eye for an eye" ...

Have a think about this, the god of the old testament is a brutal, vengeful and jealous being, right?

Most christians, if not all, will claim their god of the old testament to be perfect, so what's with the back flip with Jesus and christianity?

The old testament god is the Jewish god right? And yet, that didn't work out very well did it, because god then had to send this Jesus guy along. But what perfect god would not give us the right religion in the first place? If this god was perfect we'd all be Jewish, right?

The old testament god, would seem to be a bit more like... Allah.. what do you think?

so what happened between the old testament god and the apparent resurrection of the old testament god with the rise of Islame?


and doesn't Jesus just seem to be such a massive departure from old testament things like "an eye for an eye", and things like stoning people to death for committing adultery? Sounds way out of character for a "perfect" being, as that's what a perfect god is supposed to be, it's perfect the way it is, it doesn't change, it doesn't need to change it's ways, it's perfect already.

So given a "perfect" god, there wasn't really any need for a "perfect" god to send his son Jesus was there?

It's Lucifer!

Lucifer was the "most perfect" of the angels, but god didn't like that Lucifer was so handsome, (stupid god for making him that way, hey?) so god sends Lucifer to go and watch over the earth and its people with a third of the angels so god doesn't have to look at his cherub handsome face anymore.

but perhaps while watching over us, Lucifer became attached to us people down here, and voiced his opinion that these humans were not so bad as to deserve being wiped out in the flood except for the handful few that still believed in the brutal god.

Maybe when Lucifer attacked heaven the first time he was attempting to stop god from sending another flood or similar disaster to wipe us all out again and was cast out to then become "Satan"?

was Satan the first being to consciously reject god because god was treating his creation like we were some sort of experiment or amusement?

did Satan fuck up god's plan by playing the part of Jesus Christ? did he "lead us astray" from the brutal god of the old testament that seems to be very much alive within Islam?

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these are my rantings about religion - i speak fluent sarcasm - know this when you are reading and it will save you some heartache.