Gerald: Hello, Kyle. How's the hemorrhoid today?
Sheila: Kyle, we wanna tell you about the book of Job. It's a story from the Bible.
Kyle: I've had enough of the Bible. What has it gotten me?
Gerald: Oh, I think you'll see differently after hearing this. Sit down, Kyle. Uh, okay. You see, Job lived in the east of Jordan a long long time ago. Job was a great man. He was blessed with ten lovely children, a wonderful wife, and many friends.
Sheila: He was godly, and a good man, and fed the poor.
Gerald: He was the most upright and honorable of men, and every day he praised God.
Sheila: But one day, Satan went up to heaven and talked to God.
Kyle: Satan talked to God?
Sheila: Yes, in the book of Job, Satan talks to God. And God says to Satan, "Have you seen Job? He is a great man, and he praises me every day."
Gerald: But Satan said, "Oh yeah? He only praises you because you gave him so much. If you didn't give him those things, he would curse your name."
Sheila: To which God said, "Oh yeah? I'll show you, Satan! I'll take those things away from Job and he will still praise my name."
Gerald: And so, God had a bunch of barbarians come in and slaughter Job's oxen and donkeys, and murder all his workers.
Sheila: Then God sent his fireballs from the sky and killed his sheep and the rest of his employees.
Gerald: And then, as Job's sons and daughters were eating, God sent a mighty wind to collapse the house and crush and kill them all.
Sheila: Job was terribly sad, but he fell to his knees and said, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away," and praised God's name.
Gerald: So then, Job got painful sores all over his body.
Sheila: He was in terrible, miserable pain all day, every day. But he still kept his faith.
Gerald: God said to Satan, "See? I told you. Job still praises me."
Kyle: And that's it? That's the end?
Kyle: That's the most horrible story I've ever heard. Why would God do such a horrible thing to a good person just to prove a point to Satan?
Gerald: Oh. Uhhh, I don't know.
Kyle: Then I was right. Job has all his children killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies. There isn't a God.